I have always maintained that my online posts (from blogging to facebook) be kept light hearted and impersonal. Part of me is quite proud of the fact that I have avoided doing so with reasonable success since the onset of this social media revolution. There was no reason why I needed to broadcast my innermost feelings and vulnerabilities to people I know (and don't know!).
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| Times have changed friends, |
events over the last two years have really turned what I always thought was a very conservative and well planned life into an unpredictable and confusing mess. I have so much on my mind and no outlet. I tire of repeating my episodes to every interested party, people have good intentions but often respond by showering me with pity...
...I don't enjoy this
...at all
I'm not looking for pity, yet when people ask me about my divorce I find that I cannot hold back. I openly tell them why my marriage failed and how it has affected me. WHY!? For the first time in my life I can't seem to figure myself out. Perhaps I am just looking towards others to figure me out and fucking tell me because I'm lost. Lost enough to make me swear (I never swear!).
Anyway my good friend Kathleen recommended that I blog my feelings. I loved her for not playing the pity card and giving me an alternative to consider... so I considered the blog idea for around 2 weeks. Just thrashing it around in my head and wondering if there would be any consequences. To be brutally honest, (Sorry K) I didn't think all that much of it. In the end, however, there was one factor that ended up overpowering my inherent need to be impersonal online.
What could it be? You ask...
Simply put, "It'll be for my little girl". I kept repeating those words in my head. My failed marriage yielded one beacon of light. My amazing daughter,
Tabassum.
She's too young to understand, but she won't always be...
Dad loves you Tabassum.
